Be happy.

And stop sweating me about your budget.

I’m working under a dishonest Architect who uses smoke and mirrors to put forth an image of competence. I didn’t care so much until he started getting in my way, then blaming me for not being able to do my job.

The requirements are all in the Architect’s head. Sometimes they stay in there for longer than they should. He plays games. He steals credit. He lies with a straight face.

I fired back this week and yanked his technical facade down around his ankles during a meeting. I exposed him for the fraud that he his and went over his head to get what I need to do my job.

He should know better than to fuck with me or my paper. At a technical level, he should have known that I’d leave him bullet-riddled and smoking before he had time to react.

From Warning by Notorious B.I.G.:

Touch my cheddar, feel my Beretta
Buck with what I had you with
you motherfuckers betta duck
I bring pain, blood stains on what remains
Of his jacket, he had a gun he should’ve packed it
Cocked it, extra clips in my pocket
so I can reload and explode down ya rasshole
I fuck around and get hardcore
C4 to ya door no beef no more
feel the rush scandalous
The more weed smoke I puff the more dangerous
I dont give a fuck about you or your weak crew
What you gonna do when Big Poppa comes for you
I’m not runnin, nigga I bust my gun in
Hold on I hear somebody comin…

Criticizing his management of the project wasn’t either.

And daring him to find another developer as good as me wasn’t too bright a move.

If my bipolar diagnosis is correct, then some things make a little more sense.

At the core of it, my manager had a problem with my performance. My estimates to be exact. He’d ask me how long it took to do something and I’d give him dates. The dates were based on me coding at my very fastest, based on what I’d seen of myself during manic episodes.

After a while, I’d burn out and the dates would slip. And we’d set new dates and do it all over again. And again.

The masterpiece I built over a 10 month period would’ve taken 2 or 3 average developers to write. Thing is, I told him I could do it in 5 months because I was really convinced I could. The medication I was taking for an ADD misdiagnosis didn’t help me with my feelings of grandiosity either.

A competent project manager would know I was biting off more than I could chew, but he sat by and watched me, not really understanding what was going on. Just that dates were slipping, and that I was the only developer on the project.

When I got out of the hospital and was confronted with my constantly off-target estimates, my manager and pimptress demanded that Manic Melvin come back and finish what he started. That was tougher now with the new medications I was on.

I could barely keep my head up during the day, let alone code like a maniac.

I wasn’t going to stop taking my new meds, period. And I couldn’t code as fast as I’d promised.

So I got defensive, arrogant and defiant.

And now I’m looking for another job.

Update (7/24): Some recruiter called today asking me to interview for the very position I was fired for. I asked him to email me the requirement out of curiosity. They’re looking for a junior-level flunky type. Whoever they bring in won’t even be able to get my old code running, let alone finish it. My boss really didn’t have any idea what I was doing the entire 10 months I was there. Meanwhile, my phone is ringing off the hook from what I learned on that project.

It sucks to be him.

Not the regular kind, but the type that likes to lock away your belt and shoelaces for you while you stay.

I was there for a week after finally reaching my breaking point. The stress from home, new parenthood and work finally got me.

I’d been able to call my boss from a social worker’s desk on Monday. I let him know that I was in the hospital and I’d be out for the rest of the week.

When I got back to work and checked my voice mail, my Account Manager (read:pimp) had left a couple of messages for me on my blackberry while it kept my belt and shoelaces company during my stay.

She implied that I was unprofessional and threatened to take me off the project.

At 3:30, my manager and pimp met with me in a chilly conference room.

My boss went on about how he’s getting pressure from Mr. Director.

I explained that we’d agreed I was re-writing the entire system from scratch and that I was doing the work of 2 Senior-level developers in half the time.

Though he’d heard it before from me, he challenged my statement for the first time with my pimp as a scolding on-looker.

She leveled threats against me, with her cheap-ass shoes.

Then he accused me of withholding information from another contractor.

Not true.

The statement was not true.

And he knew it.

He lied about my integrity to cover his own cowardly ass.

And he knows I know that he lied.

And I was covering for him this whole time.

He demonstrated that he has the capacity to lie to my employer when under pressure.

From the sound of things, he’d been lying to his boss about me to protect himself as well.

He knows I see right through it.

How naive he must be to even think that he can fuck with me.

Metaphorically speaking, he just signed his own death warrant.

And the neighbors hear every word.

No more whoring myself out by the hour.

I’m excited about this new opportunity, but I know that it’s going to come at a price.

My paycheck is going to be cut nearly in half, even though I’ll be doing the same job I did there less than a year ago.

I’m buying back some peace of mind, something I haven’t really had in more than two years.

I start in 2 weeks.

Wish me luck.

It was positive! The eight tests that followed were also positive.

We both embraced and danced happily to a Count Basie tune I’d been listening to.

I’m thrilled to pieces.

I’ve registered a new domain name and am in the process of setting up a new server to blog about our (meaning her) pregnancy.

Wish us luck!

I’ve only been there three days and already I can’t fucking stand it.

They don’t like me

They don’t seem to think I’m a good fit interpersonally.

I interviewed for a Senior Developer position back in early May. The interview was broken up into two parts: a written technical exam and an interview before a board of 5 mid-level managers.

The Exam. I murdered the written exam in no time, breezing through all but one of the 10 questions. I knew the answer to the 10th question, but refused to answer it because I didn’t want to get pigeonholed into working with the technology it referred to.

The Interview. The five mid-level managers made their way into the room, one at a time. After some awkward small talk, the interview began.

“So we haven’t had a chance to look over your resume. Tell us about your experience.”

You mean I stayed up late last night reading up on your company and you couldn’t even take five minutes to look over my resume before you walked into this interview?

I gave them a quick overview of my experience and they just kind of looked at each other, trying to figure out what to do next. Who should ask the next question? What were they supposed to be asking me about again?

What a bunch of weenies. Since the interview didn’t seem to have any direction, I took control of it and started interviewing them.

“Tell me about what role I’ll be playing here.”

“What technologies are you working with? What software development methodologies do you use?”

Finally, it looked like they’d managed to get their shit together. One of the weenies started asking me about my technical background.

Have you worked with Struts before?

Yeah, six years ago when I was just getting started as a J2EE developer. Why do they want to know this?

How much experience do you have with Javascript?

Enough to know I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a hot poker. This was related to the question I’d refused to answer on the written exam.

Do you know HTML?

Okay, this is going too far. Is this some kind of sick joke? Why do they keep asking me about entry-level skills?

Gasp! They’re already planning to pigeonhole me, aren’t they?! So they’d never bothered to read my resume because they never fucking cared about what I was best suited to do there.

Ten or fifteen minutes later, the interview ended as awkwardly as it had began. One weenie had another meeting he had to run to. Another weenie decided that we’d reached a good stopping point, based on what I’m not sure. They told me they’d be in touch.

The following day, the recruiter that submitted me for the position told me that the board of weenies passed on me because I “wasn’t a good fit interpersonally”.

Whatever. I was only pissed because I’d missed out on the chance to first say that I didn’t want them.

I don’t like them

They didn’t seem to value my knowledge or experience. Respect my mind or get your brains knocked out, bitches.

Later that week, another recruiter contacted me about a position at the same company, much higher up on the totem pole. I’d be a Senior Architect helping the company make the transition from expensive commercial technologies to an open source strategy. It was right up my alley, so I went for it.

An interview was scheduled before the company’s architecture team. This position would report directly to the CTO, with whom the new recruiter that I was going through had pull. They’d seen nine resumes that they liked for the Architect role, but only scheduled an interview with one candidate. Me. The recruiter informed me that this intervew was looking like just a formality, that I was a shoe-in for the position. I was prepared to knock their socks off and start changing the way software is built at this company.

Then came the flip-flop.

The board of weenies couldn’t find workhorse developers fast enough, so they’d changed their minds. They wanted me after all.

Here I was, out of work for nearly 5 weeks. I’d been on six interviews and had 4 other offers fall through despite me being the most qualified candidate in each case. I had to make a split-second decsion. Should I pass on something solid and hope to get the Sr. Architect Position or take the only concrete offer in front of me?

I decided that I wanted both. I accepted the Senior Developer position and kept my interview for the Senior Architect position.

By now, I was submitted to the same company by two different recruiters, which is a big no-no for legal reasons. The fact is, I only applied for the Architect position because the board of weenies first passed on me and my “personality”. Their inability to make a decision and stick with it was quickly complicating things.

On the day of my Senior Architect interview, the Director of Human Resources called me up and informed me that the interview was cancelled because I’d accepted the Senior Developer position. I begged and pleaded for a chance just to interview for the Architect position.

I knew that if I didn’t get this chance, no one at this organization would ever know what I was capable of. I’d be stuck as a low-level web flunky for the entire length of my contract. He refused to let me interview for the Senior Architect position, despite the fact that I was the top candidate. I would be a Senior Developer and like it, understood?

I reported to work on Wednesday, already feeling defeated. If I’d cared, I guess this whole situation would be uncomfortable. I have five weenie bosses that that have already indicated that they don’t like my personality. A couple of them like to put on big fake-ass grins when they see me in the elevator.

You’re not fooling anyone. I can see right through you, weenie.

I’ve officially compromised my standards in order to keep a steady paycheck.

I’ve never felt like such a whore.