Rantings of a Black Polemicist

I need a new private poo place

Thursday, October 6th, 2005 | General | 4 Comments

It’s very difficult for me to talk about this, but I’ll try. See, I’ve run out of places to lead a movement while at work. It’s very important that I have the privacy I need, as I can’t properly de-clench if anyone else in the bathroom.

There’s only one men’s bathroom for the entire 150 employee company. To make things worse, that filthy place only has two stalls. I can’t risk flushing and exiting a stall only to bump into one of my co-workers. That’s just awkward. My philosophy is simple: never let them see you poo.

So I explored the entire office complex and found a lightly trafficked area with *clean* bathrooms. Could it be?! At last I’d found my refuge, my private poo place.

But it wouldn’t last. That area was lightly trafficked because it was being renovated. After four months of construction, some insurance company moved in right across from my bathroom on Monday.

I walked in anyway, telling myself that it couldn’t be as bad as I thought. Then I saw that my stall was occupied. Noooo! I sat in another stall but it wasn’t the same. With all the constant traffic and conversation, de-clenching was nearly impossible.

Now I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried going during different times of the day, but it appears that traffic is pretty steady. I’ve looked all over for another bathroom but they’re all either busy, filthy or both.

I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore. I need a new private poo place.