Rantings of a Black Polemicist

Pimpery pays

Thursday, June 16th, 2005 | General | 2 Comments

I like what I’m doing now. I like the people I work for. Outside of the development team, it’s kind of a “Good Ol’ Boy’s Club”. Some of these people have been here for decades and will do business with you because they share similar interests with you. I kind of like that.

I’ve discovered that this place has a terrible problem with waste. The Big Wigs have no problem flushing money down the toilet to find a solution to a poorly defined problem. They’re looking to bring in as many as 6 - 7 new consultants despite acknowledging that there’s nothing for this fresh meat to actually do at the moment.

Wait a minute. What’s stopping me from becoming a vendor to my client and placing consultants to fill their new need? My contract agreement prevents me from bypassing my pimp, er agency who collects some unknown sum of money every single hour I work. But nothing in that agreement forbids me from becoming a pimp myself and making money off of the guy I place in the cube behind me. Every hour he works, I’d get paid.

I called up a sharp former co-worker who lost his job last Friday at that Fortune 500 company. Apparently, the department we both worked in collapsed under the weight of its own incompetence. He sent me his resume. They’ve scheduled an interview, which appears to be only a formality. They’re planning to hire him just because I recommended him.

I know how much they’re willing to pay. After all, they can afford me + my pimp’s premium. I also know what my former co-worker wants to make. The difference between the two is nearly 50% of my hourly rate. That’s insane.

I did the math. After wiping the puddle of drool that collected on my Mac’s keyboard, I decided to go even further. I’m posting a classified ad on one of the tech job sites. I’m going to place as many bodies in these cubes as I possibly can.

If all goes well, I’m going to have to get a pimp hat and cup. They tell me that pimpin’ ain’t easy. Well, I’m up for the challenge.

Ouch.

Monday, June 13th, 2005 | General | 3 Comments

I left for work a little late today. I tried to make up for it by driving a little faster than usual. I consider myself a good driver, but not everyone else is.

I was barreling down Lancaster Avenue, right in front of Villanova University. The light turned yellow. I stepped on the gas a little more in an effort to make the light. A big cargo van coming from the opposite direction wanted to turn left before the light changed. He was cutting it a little close, but whatever. I didn’t see that there was an SUV right behind the big van that wanted to do the same. SUV driver had the misfortune of making a flawed assumption: if the van in front of him could make the left, so could he. He didn’t look to see if I was coming. He just turned. So technically, he’s at fault.

We didn’t see each other until it was too late. I slammed into him at full-force, turning his SUV over onto the driver’s side. Everything moves in slow motion during an impact. A flurry of vivid thoughts and emotions swept through me in the moments before and during impact.

I remember the anti-lock brakes trying to slow me in vain. I remember feeling the impact of the collision and acknowledging that it was the strongest one I’d ever felt. I remember the smell of freshly-deployed airbags. I remember the terrified look of the other driver trapped in his overturned SUV.

Paramedics got there quickly. I went to a local hospital and got a few stitches for a laceration on my hand and treatment for a wrist and ankle sprain. The other guy was carried out on a stretcher and went to a trauma center at another hospital.

It’s odd. I didn’t get that “I could have died today” feeling. I didn’t feel like I’d been given a new lease on life. In fact, I was kind of dissapointed that I didn’t get to bill any hours today.

I’ll be in bright and early tomorrow, crutches and all. I’ll just be sure to leave earlier so I don’t feel the urge to make up for lost time on the road.

Since the car is totalled, it’s time to start looking for a new ride.

Just confront the problem, Melvin.

Wednesday, June 8th, 2005 | General | 2 Comments

Today, I walked into my manager’s office and closed the door behind me. I explained to him that I’m idle 85-90% of the day and that I want more responsibility. I explained that I assumed that this was in his best interests - there’s plenty of work that needs to be done over a short period of time.

It worked! He sat me down for a meeting with one of the head haunchos and carved out a nice sized piece of work for me to take ownership of. I could feel all of the stress and resentment flowing right out of me as I left that meeting.

So today, there was no need to soothe myself as I typically do with an audio recording of an air conditioner. As a result, I overheard the other developers engaged in a spirited debate about the system’s design. One of the developers, I’ll call him Bright and Eccentric, turned to me and asked “Melvin, how do you think we should handle this problem?”

And just like that, I became a bona fide member of the development team.