Compulsive Shoe Shopping: “Delusony”

Saturday, June 19th, 2004 | Personal

Oh, shit. I think I have a problem. Usually I’m pretty good controlling impulses but I may have crossed the line here.

Okay, I’m aware that I’m broke. Things are pretty darn tight this month. Yesterday was my wife’s birthday and I (she, it’s her money) coudn’t get her(self) anything nice this year.

I took a look at the shoes I’ve dreamt of getting her all spring. To my surprise, the price has dropped from $495 to $318 with only three sizes available, hers being one of them.


Delusony. The name of the style that I’m dying to see my wife strut around in this year.

Sophisticated shoppers know that this is a precursor to the shoes selling out completely, leaving us always wondering what 2004 would have been like with them. It’s happened twice already. Once in 2001 with a pair of lovely 4 1/2″ black sandals, and a another time last year with a pair of smart-looking daytime Manolos.

Sometimes I have recurring nightmares about them. I’ll be locked in a huge, white walk-in closet with cold marble floors of the same color. I’m standing in the center of the closet, spinning around and the shoes that we never got are on every single shelf. Hundreds of them. I reach out, but my arms are too short. My feet are stuck to the floor, just spinning me. I can only watch the shoes go around and around…

I just ordered the damn shoes online. They’re coming to the house. The money has left my checking account. My mind is racing as I try to figure out what I can auction on eBay to make up for this purchase, yet I know I can’t entertain the possibility of letting go of these lovely numbers forever.

There’s got to be a twelve-step program for people with a shoe fetish. This one is out of control.

Update: Ohmygod. After I finished buying the shoes online there are only two sizes left. I bought the last pair of size 7’s from Neiman Marcus’ online inentory! What a close one. Now, how to pay for them… *thinking*

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