Rantings of a Black Polemicist

I’d went through this from my mother-in-law before I had a chance to meet her. I married to a black man as well, and he was taking “comments” from his sister and mother during the first year of our marriage. He chose to be quiet at first, then he wrote an email to his mother stating that this is his choice, and he has all reasons to choose whom he is falling in love with.
The bottom line is, he put at the end of the email, our door will be always open if his mother would reach out to us. And this is one of the reasons why I fell in love with my husband, he knew what he wants and he stands firmly and for his choice!

I think there is nothing wrong with two people of different races to be in a relationship because I am black and my last boyfriend wasn’t black. I think that when two people fall in love everybody should be hapy for the and don’t judge them by their color.

You’re selecting someone who isn’t Black despite having admittingly spent many years dating Black women and being raised by a Black woman is insulting to those who grew up around you and supported you before you were the successful college graduate that you are. As far as what difference does it make if you are with a non-Black woman or another Black woman? It makes a big difference. While you would still be unavailable to me, one of my sisters would bewith you. Benefitting from your love and intelligence and you benefitting from hers. You have your opinion and have made your choice. That is fine. But do not come down on others for having theirs. A Black person who dates or marries a non-Black person is consciouslly taking steps to move themselves awy from the Black culture and community, so yes that does indicate that they find something wrong with the Black community as a whole.

I don’t have a problem with people who are in inter racial relationships. You can’t help who you fall in love with. My preference is a tall, dark and handsome black man. I’m talking about the kind of man that looks like Chris Tucker and DeWayne Wade. It’s not the money they have, it’s their look that attracts me. To me there is nothing in the world that turns me on more that dark skinned men. I’m not deceived though. If for some reason I fall in love with someone that’s not my preference I would marry them. My preference is my preference. On the other hand I want a man who will love me no matter what and I love and respect him no matter what. The world has serious issues to deal with such as HIv/AIDS, world hunger, etc. Race should not be an issue anymore. I say if you find someone who loves you for who you are then marry them and be happy with them because love now is such a rare comodity in this world.

I totally disagree with Jessica’s comments, any black person who marries outside his or her race is not consciously making a decision to remove themselves from the Black Culture and community, but instead choosing to spend the rest of their lives with someone they love. As black man married to mixed race white/asian wife, I find her comments offensive and racist. I am proud of being black and I bring my children up to know both sides of their heritage and to be proud of where they come from. They owe nobody an apology and neither do I.

Black women are hurting. That is the truth. For too many of us, we have been ridiculed because of our skin, bodies, and hair. And this is often by our own people. Then society at large lets us know that we are not the standard of beauty, or the type of personality that is desirable. Still we try to overcome all this and declare ourselves beautiful and worthy of love. We walk down the street and see a Black man with a woman of a different race, and it is like a validation of all the negativity we have endured. “See, this Black man would rather have someone besides you”. It hurts us, but we are not going to cry on the street, so we react in different ways. I know many will say, get over it, but its not that easy. I am not excusing Black women for bad behavior, I am just giving you a reason for it. It would be nice if our brothers would stop dogging us, making us feel bad for feeling bad, and try tenderness when dealing with us. Try to understand that many Black women feel slighted, and insecure. Don’t use this knowledge to further hurt us. I am not saying that you sould make political choices when it comes to matters of the heart. Just don’t be so quick to judge even those who quickly judge you. If you are open to knowing more about the realities of Black womanhood, I suggest this book, “Shifting”, The Double Lives of Black Women in America”, by Charisse Jones and Kumea Shorter-Gooden.

Well i personally think it shouldn’t matter what race u date as long as u are both happey together thats bascially the key. I am an afro-american female with an white guy and yea i notice people look at us strange but we really don’t pay them attention at all.

I honestly do not understand why people still have issues against interracial relationships. What difference does it make how much melanin someone has in their skin or what color or shape their eyes are. I am Hispanic, and I am dating a Black man. I am dating him because of the person he is, not because of the color of his skin. He is a wonderful person and I would have wanted to be with him whether he was Black, Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, Native American, or any other race. I’m sure that this is how he feels as well. By dating me, he is not surrendering his ideals, morals, or his culture. I have been embraced by his mother regardless of my race. By dating me, he is not trying to hurt anyone. He is not making a statement that Black women aren’t good enough for him. He simply got to know me and he liked what he saw, regardless of our different ethnic backgrounds. I embrace his culture and would never expect for him to abandon it for me or for anyone. I love being Hispanic, and embrace my own culture. For someone to tell me, that I am turning my back on my people because I am not dating someone of my own race, is, to be blunt, a load of crap. I’m not dating a Black man to spite anyone. I am with him because I see beyond the color of his skin. To all those who have forgotten: “Love is blind.”

Just a quick note to say… As Monica said, it hurts to feel “not the desired type of woman” (I’m hispanic, I know). But the way I see it, interracial marriages are a sign that times are changing. There are black men with white women, but there are also w. men with b. women… And hopefully as time goes by, and the children of this couples grow up the problem will fade away.

You want to know why it’s so hurtful? Why it’s such a problem? As a Black woman I can tell you. Where I come from, it’s very unusual to see a Black man and a Black woman together. I have stopped being surprised by mixed-race couples which consist of a Black man and a woman of another race. But it still causes a pang, because this is hurting the Black community. How so? Because the men you see with white women, with Asian women, with Hispanic women are almost always successful, educated Black men who are doing something positive with their lives. Men who are raising their mixed children and being fathers and husbands and truly being the head of their families. BUT WE CAN’T GET THAT IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY. Do you know how hard it is to find a Black man who is ABOUT something? Who is working towards bettering himself in a way that doesn’t involve rap music or drug dealing, or “hustling” or blaming “the man” for his troubles? To find a Black man willing to stay with his family? To find a Black man willing to step up and be a father, a husband, a PROVIDER? Too many of our men abandon their Black mates once there’s a baby in the picture. Too many of our men prefer long-term cohabitation to a wedding ring and a life involving Jesus. Too many of our men are in prison for some bullshit, when if they had fathers in their lives telling them right from wrong and raising them the way God intended for children to be raised — with TWO parents — they could be doing something with their lives, something wholesome and good.

So when I see one of these Black men who could be helping to lead the Black community out of stagnation and into a future full of promise, who could be starting Black families that aren’t broken but held together by love between a loving Black man and his BLACK wife, it PISSES ME OFF to see these Black men instead snapped up by women of different races who wouldn’t think twice about them if they were one of the many Black men in jail, on drugs, or generally lost without direction. Why is it that when Black men gain a sense of direction, it’s usually in the direction of a non-Black woman?

Black women are willing to take Black men when they’re down, and raise their children, and try to hold their communities together. They can’t do it alone and make it work. They can’t be role models to their sons, because they are not men. For you to say “guess what, I still wouldn’t be with you!” is ignorant, and beside the point. Seeing you with your wife wouldn’t make me want you, because you clearly don’t have enough taste to recognize and appreciate a beautiful black woman for what she is anyhow. The thing I think about is how men like you are slowly eroding the Black community, instead of helping it get back on its feet. You got where you are today because of the Black community, whether or not you admit it or even realize it. But all you do in return is walk away from it.

So that’s why I’m giving you a dirty look. And more importantly, that’s why you deserve it.

While I feel what Rose has stated here 100%, I must also make this statement. Black Women, sisters need to honestly start to ask themselves some questions and take a real honest inventory on how the average Black man is treated within relationships with Black women. I don’t want to pretend to speak for all brothers, because there are some as the author stated, who have succumbed the media standard of beauty, however, I’ve seen more sisters run a brother who was trying to better himself into the ground. Let’s be real.

I’m just saying. I read these statements but I also hear the other side of the story first hand. When you speak of these successful brothers most of them tell similar stories about when they were broke and trying to come up, many sisters wouldn’t even holler at them. Then once they get the train on the tracks then the same sisters tried to holler. (See Mike Jones song “Back Then”)

Many Black men who “step” out on the fam have had it. Now this type of abuse cuts both ways no doubt, but I personally know 7 brothers right now, who are good cats trying to get their lives in order, going to school, working ect. But all seven of these dudes complain about not getting holler from sisters, some have even been ridiculed for their interests,how they dress or mostly for the cars they drive. And these cats are not all nerdy and what not.

I mean lets start with our own homes and upbringings. Ask yourself how many times growing up have you heard a Black woman say the following “A nigga aint shit”? I mean if you hear this over and over growing up and what is going to be your demeanor towards Black men?

Another issue I have with the whole debate is the fact that I’ve seen and known some of the same Black women who sneer at Black men in interracial relationships jump in the bed with the first white dude who gives her ass half a slap! And that’s on the real.

I’m not knocking the pain that some sisters experience, because it’s real. All I’m saying is that I’ve seen more damaged Black / Black realationships than I have taste for. I’ve seen women say they want a strong brother, family man, attentive father, get one, then disrespect him at every opportunity. Look for approval from other men (if you get my drift). Then these same women act puzzled when the dude jumps up and is out.

Shaharazad Ali’s book “The Blackmans guide to understanding the Blackwomen” broke all this stuff, down and I do mean down. A lot of sisters rebelled against this book because it shined a true light on what sisters do to brothers and pulled the sheets off of the lies and the reasons why we experience such non-sense.

To close out, I believe most of our issues have their genesis in Slavery. Now half of yawl shaking yawl heads at that but trust, this is true. If you look at the dichotomy between the relationships between Blackmen and Blackwomen and the Black family and what our forefathers suffered through, believe me, you’d have a better understanding on how we find ourselves in such a sorry state, worldwide today in 2005.

I am an eighteen year old 1/2 Jewish (White), 1/2 Mexican girl. My boyfriend is Black. We’ve been together since I was thirteen–aka, forever in high school terms. I, of course, cannot speak from any perspective other than my own. When we started dating, we were children (which I’m not far from, even today), and race was unimportant to us. As we grew, and defining our identities became number one on our list of priorities, we were incredibly strained. He stopped talking to me for awhile, and it was only about a month into this silent Hell that he expressed his guilt for being with a Non-Black woman. What could I do? Although only sixteen years old, I knew I loved him, but I had to respect his decision: if he felt he needed to leave me, so be it. It wasn’t as if I was immune to the stares and the way his older sister pursed her lips every time I came around. I felt it too. And now that I have experienced the world, and how cruel it can be, I recognize the pain that Black women must feel when they see us together, or any interracial couple. Originating from two minorities myself, I understand the mindset that is behind it. However, this does not mean that I am unsensitive to the snickers and glares. There is pain all around, here, and what for? All I know is that I am in love with my boyfriend. We’ve managed to stay together, and, being only eighteen, I have no idea where life will lead us, but I know that I love him, and would be a completely different person had he not entered my world. We both understand that our relationship will be especially difficult–but overall, it is based on love, not color.

First of all, I have no problem with interracial couples, but I do think I know why some black women would be offended by seeing a black man and a woman of another race together. I was actually born with this fetish for biracial relationships (I’m kind of embarrassed), and for a while, I asked others the same question: “What the hell is the big deal?” I’ll date a man of any race, and I’m not going to be close-minded to the point where I’ll only consider seeing people of my own race alone. Now, I tried to somehow reason with these black women/men who are against interracial relationships, and I could only come up with one solution.

Perhaps when they see a black man and a white woman together, they may begin to feel unattractive; like the black man believes that a white woman would be able to appeal to him both physically and mentally in ways that a black woman could not. This may really bring down a black woman’s pride, and maybe that is why they are not open to these sorts of relationships. As a black female whose relationships have been predominantly with white men, I felt it was important to find out just why black men hate to see black women with white men, and why black women hate to see black men with white women, and so forth. I guess this is the only explanation I have.

If you were not in the financial position you were in she would not want you!!!!!!!!!!!! If you did not have money, you would have just been another brothet, and she would not have paid you any attention!!! This can not be proven, this is just my opinion, but I stand behind it 110% !!!!

i made a concious effort to see what the reaction would be to taye diggs having dated - married - a women of another race. i ended up at this page. i want to make it perfectly clear that i have absolutely nothing against him marrying a woman (regardless of her race) it is none of my business, but i know what kind of pressure exist in society. taye diggs and his wife will have to swallow a lot of non-sense, and conciously search for what makes their existence meaningful, that is, they’ll be constantly requested to exlain their actions even though it’s really nobody’s business but their own and on an issue so minute in comparison to what it is that brings them together. it is dealing with this pressure that i was interested in. taye diggs reacting to criticism not of his work, but of his personal choice, one that impinges on race, an extremely immense and convoluted issue in our society.
My first impression was that taye diggs wife was white. i wasn’t filled with indignation, i was just curious. i’d seen him in movies that were immerse in black experience and point of view, to the point where i assumed him to be a centric. i was surprised, but still disappointed at myself that he being with a white girl could have any affect on me at all. she’s a beautiful women and it makes sense for him to be with her (if for only that reason, but i’m sure he has other reasons for marrying her and their none of my business).
i wasn’t aware until i came to this site, that she was of a mixed race; strangely, though, the knowledge shifted me a bit, but it is entirely involuntary that race affects me in this way. like all of us, i have been bombarded by standards of living that for some reason, regardless of how irrational some of these standards are, i’ve become emotionally attached to them; opinions have been banged into me and have become mildly automatic, but with a little effort i can and have come to my senses and feel comfortable with my point of view. i was hoping to see that happening, but from the comments above, there is still mixed views.

Well I personally dont see the big deal with someone being with a different race. I was married to a hispanic.I am white. I have friends that are asian and black.I have also dated a couple guys that are black. And nobody is just one nationality. For generations and generations back. Everyone was having kids from other nationalities. Maybe not other colors but at least other nationalities